Touch till you taste (all the time we've wasted)
by natxsteve
Summary: Between Sharon and burner phones, Natasha was unsure which one made her even more frustrated. She wasn't jealous - not anywhere near that... or so she thought. Post - Captain America: Civil War. Romanogers.


**Author's Note:** This is for the wonderful readers from Ao3 who've requested to post my stories here in FFN as well, thank you so much for giving me the boost. And also to those who are a romanogers trash like me (who coudn't get enough of Civil War) this one goes out to you too! Enjoy reading. Let me know what you think about this story before heading out!

P.S A whole lotta swearing involved.

* * *

It's funny how she has all the time in the world now to savour the things that she hadn't had the chance to experience back before things went to the shittiest way it could have ever been. The government was still at her tail, she knew - hell she knew the consequences along the way, even right after the electric shock from her widow bite hit the Wakandan prince, she knew what's about to happen. To her, for the team she has considered as her family, to Tony... to Steve - but at least she had an assurance he would be okay. Even if that counted being completely torn away from him, it was okay - because at least she knows that as much as he too was trying to make a run from everything, he was alive. And that was enough to put her to sleep every night, as much as there was longing and the feeling of strange yearning in her part.

Manila, Philippines. It had been almost four months since she had been staying in this country. Of course, it was given to learn a little from their language, adapting to the culture... - it was all part of the plan to fit in and as surprisingly as it may sound, she couldn't deny the feeling of amusement despite the struggles she had along the way. As a matter of fact, she was having the time of her life. She loved the long walks by the bay, the exotic food, the people were hospitable even if she was never engaged to any form of conversation between them ever before. But she sees everything, even through the thick glasses and a cap she often wore to hide the cascades of her red locks everytime she goes out. It wasn't home, but she wouldn't mind staying here for a couple more months or so. It sometimes felt as if she's not making a run from the government, the people behind that she owed. It made it easier to forget that it had been that way for months now and that this was nothing more than a getaway but a vacation. _Or so she thought_

But then along with it, she would think of Steve and it would feel as if she lost all the progress she made of ever moving on. Too much emotions clouded her brain, good and bad. As much as she terribly missed him, the warmth of his hand covering hers, the soft pressure of his fingertips as he pulled a loose strand of hair behind her ear, the genuine smile and the longing gaze - she also couldn't help the anguish sentiment that came along with it. Maybe more than distress, but the surprisingly sense of jealousy that formed in her as she talked to Clint on the phone two months ago.

* * *

 _"I got word on what you did." Clint spoke, Natasha heaved a sigh as she squirmed on her seat, her knuckles tightening its grip on the phone. She missed his voice and it dreaded the fact that this was the closest thing she could ever get to Clint and his family._

 _"Nat, where are you?" He asked. There was impatience in his tone as he said it. He was worried, hell he should know she too was worried of herself and what's about to happen now that a hundred and seventeen nations will definitely be on the lookout for her too. "Come home with us. It's not as safe as you think it'll be, but at least we've got each other."_

 _Silence filled the air as the thought of home lingered for awhile in her. It was enticing and maybe it's even more than that, which is why it made it so difficult to pretend that she was alright, even if she was fully capable of being alone - she needed her family. Natasha frowned to herself, knowing that she would earn a glare from Clint in terms of her would be decision. "How's Laura and the kids?" She asked instead. A defense mechanism in attempt to avoid any form of argument which will then lead to her own anxiety because she just missed her one way shot to finally being reunited with him._

 _"They're fine, they're with me Nat. Thanks to you of course... you looked out for them while I was away - I couldn't be more grateful than that."_

 _She nodded her head in relief. She found herself smiling for the first time ever after what seemed like weeks of constant worrying and berating herself for not doing so much more. "That's good to know, Clint."_

 _"If you're not coming home with us - then at least go to Steve. Please." A lump formed her throat as she struggled for the words to say. She haven't heard his name in weeks and it felt uncomfortable how she totally lost it the minute Clint mentioned him. "Or let Steve find you. C'mon now, help me on this one." He pleaded._

 _"I can't let him risk his life to find me, Clint. He's been through so much -"_

 _"Well, then okay - at least let me know where you're at. I deserved to know."_

 _"Too pushy are we?" Natasha padded her way through the window overlooking the view of the Manila bay from afar. Even without his presence, she knew he was definitely getting irritated with each passing minute._

 _"Location. Now."_

 _She leaned her shoulder on the side of the window pane, as she finally allowed herself to let the words slip out of her mouth. "Manila. Philippines."_

 _"Good choice." Clint smirked, earning another sigh of relief on the other end of the line._

 _"Where is everybody?" She asked._

 _"Well, Steve, Sam and Barnes are in Wakanda. Got Wanda here, which earned Lila another playmate, Scott's been reunited with her family with the help of the Pym's. Oh and - Steve's girlfriend is somewhere safe in Budapest."_

 _Her muscles tensed and her heart was beating rapidly. She could feel the slight tremble of her lips as she fumbled for the words to say. She heard it correctly right? Natasha pressed her lips together, her shoulders felt heavy as she tried to keep herself together. "S-Steve's girlfriend?"_

 _"Yeah? Agent 13, thought you knew about her?" Clint asked._

 _She ran a hand on her hair in frustration, tearing her eyes away from the view of the sunset. "I- I didn't. He never told me." She spoke, biting her bottom lip hard as she tried to reprimand herself from stuttering._

 _"How could that even be possible? Weren't you the one setting him up on these dates two years ago?"_

 _Fuck it, Barton. Stop._

 _Seriously?._

 _She wrapped her free arm below her breast, shaking her head. Of course, she did set him up. But what the fuck, she had no idea that Steve would - would actually go for it?! Wait, why was she so damn upset about this? This was none of her business to begin with. "Oh wow, good for Rogers for finally getting his shit together." Sarcasm was evident in her tone as she said it, Clint couldn't help now but wonder what was really going on in the other end of the line._

 _She leaned her back down on the wall as she curled her knees, emotions weren't supposed to be concealed and yet here she was, fighting the damn urge from tearing up. Hearing his words was like a blow to the gut, and she hated every thought that wandered through her mind of Steve and Sharon together._

 _"Nat - are you okay?"_

 _"Yes, of course." She remarked with shaky breath. She inhaled deeply, wiping a tear before it even reached her heard enough. "Listen, Clint? I'm going to call you back. Got some work to do."_

 _The line was cut before he could even reply. She had no idea how it happened, but she was just completely glad that was over for now. She isn't as strong as people hoped her to be, Steve was part of her vulnerability. Or maybe it was love. She couldn't bring herself to say it, maybe that was the appropriate term, the very rational reason of this unexplainable sensation she felt. Along with love, came jealousy and it fucking hurts because she never signed up for this shit._

 _Steve and Sharon together. Okay, that was completely fine with her... (still working on that) but the fact that he never told her was just a cripple in her heart. Natasha strived to push the thought that he didn't have the time to tell because of the Accords, because of Bucky, then the passing of Peggy - but then as she thought about it even more, she realized how the hell did Steve even managed to spare some precious time of his to find a girlfriend behind all of this?! They've been together for almost a year working alongside with the new Avengers and not once did he ever mentioned Sharon to her. Whom Natasha honestly forgotten at some point already. And how she made the biggest mistake of ever telling him to go after her... when it should have been -_

 _Don't even go there, Romanoff._

 _..._

 _Maybe becoming a friend to Steve Rogers was all she'll ever be, and hey she managed to do well right after saving not just his ass but his friend's ass along the way. Maybe that's all they'll ever be for them. She should have been okay with that. But she couldn't._

 _Because maybe, she wanted something more from him than what they really are... but that's out of her hands now._

* * *

"Fuck you, Rogers. I've got no time to waste on you." Natasha muttered to herself. She took a seat on the hood of a car she rented, with both hands placed behind her, letting the feeling of the cold metal cool her thoughts. The city looked absolutely breathtaking up from the mountains, the long drive from here was always worth it. Natasha would always find herself staring at the city's skyline longer than expected, as she tried to get herself lost from all the problems ahead, the discomfort in her heart... basically trying to get rid of Steve Rogers. Which was something she would always fail to do.

It had been six hours since she last talked to Clint. Six hours since she last heard the soft voice of baby Nathaniel who was still failing adorably trying to form a few words from his mouth. Lila, Cooper, Laura even she had the time to catch up on Wanda.

* * *

 _"Are you ever coming back?"_

 _"Still debatable."_

 _"Have you talked to Steve?"_

 _"No."_

 _"He misses you, Natasha."_

 _"Well, he could have given me a burner phone to say that upfront. But no he didn't."_

 _"So now you're jealous of Tony too?"_

 _"No."_

 _"Uhuh."_

 _"I gotta go, kiddo."_

 _"Remind me next time not to mention Steve so you wouldn't have to hang up on me. Again"_

* * *

The burner phone. She kept wondering if he'd given Sharon too.

Oh right, of course Steve fucking did - she was his girlfriend after all.

And Tony was, despite everything... was still his friend

 _So who was Natasha in his life?_

Natasha held a bitter laugh for ever thinking that friendship is measured by the number of burner phones Captain America give to you.

The atmosphere suddenly turned chilly as her scarlet locks were now being swept by the wind. After spending a few more minutes sitting completely still on the hood of the car, she then reluctantly stood up as she pulled the car key from her pocket. Before she could even open the car's door, she stopped in her tracks as she saw Steve staring at her intently, hands buried deep in his pockets.

They stood there with a respectable distance from each other, his eyes never leaving hers as Natasha's grip on the car door got heavier and heavier with each passing minute, telling her to run. _He was the last guy on earth she wanted to see and yet here we are..._

"Natasha." She winced. It burned so much to hear her name from his lips.

"Did you bribe Clint to tell you where I was?" That was all she managed to say. Not even a 'hello' or 'Hey. I missed you, it's been what? Four fucking months since we last saw each other. Come here and let me hug you." Things aren't easy as it seemed to be now.

"Clint called. Said he was worried." Steve got the picture she was more than upset by the tone she used. He wanted to hold her in his arms, he was never been this happy to see her again but he could feel Natasha holding herself back. And so he did too as well.

"Well, since you've seen me now - alive and breathing. I don't seen any other point of you staying."

When she noticed he wasn't making the move to do so, she drew out a laugh. Natasha nodded her head, rasing both of her arms like a form of surrender. "Okay, I get it - you want me to leave. Of course." She was about to enter the vehicle when she felt Steve's hand holding her wrist, preventing her from going inside.

"Nat - "

"Don't." She warned him. She pulled away from his grip as she sighed. A heavy one, as if she was challenging him that if he took one more step closer to her, she would completely lose it. _But Steve did it anyways, being the little shit he was... he did._

"Okay you got me... I forced Clint to spill. I couldn't.. I couldn't handle the thought that you're alone. I was worried, more than worried. And I miss -"

"Don't get me started on that shit, Rogers!" She pushed the car door to close with so much force, for a moment - she thought she would have to pay double for that. "You know how fully capable I was of being alone. It was easier... it made it easier to forget everything." _Even you._

"Staying together is more important than how we stay together, you said it yourself. What? Did your stay here changed your mind that we are a family? That we're the only ones we've got?" Steve furrowed. Natasha expected he'd raise his voice on her, but he didn't. Instead, a hurtful look was seen in his blue orbs. She knew he wanted to be angry at her, he was simply holding himself back, maybe he figured out her reasons why she was acting this way. And Steve knew he deserved it. "Am I not even allowed... to tell you how much I missed you?"

"You missed me. Is that it? Okay, that's nice Steve. Really appreciate that, I really do. To be fair with you, I missed you too... there wasn't a day I didn't think of you, surprising as that may sound. So are we now done with our little heart to heart?" She asked flippantly. And that was enough for Steve to hold himself back from his composure.

In an abrupt move, he pulled her shoulders down on the side of the car, pressing his body on hers in attempt to corner her. She grimaced from the sudden impact but kept it still, and frowned instead as she fought from his grip. With their noses almost touching, the feeling of each other's breath could be felt - the tension was too damn thick, she couldn't turn back now. She gazed at his lips, and met his eyes once again. "Your girlfriend wouldn't be too happy to see this." She spoke in a rough voice, trying to catch her breath.

"She's not my girlfriend." Steve shook his head, his eyes turning south.

"But you kissed her. So that has to mean something." She smirked. It was uncomfortable talking to him about this but there was no stopping now.

"I made a mistake -"

"So did her lips met yours by accident? Is that what you're trying to tell me?!" She huffed in exasperation. Steve dropped his gaze at her in disbelief, his grip was just too damn tight he could almost tore the sleeves of her cardigan. The gusty air didn't help either, note that she was only wearing a tank top underneath. Steve eventually yielded as he unclenched his hands from her shoulders. He let out a deep exhale, unable to know where to start. He planted his hands on both hips and found his spot on the hood of her car, back to where she sat earlier. "It didn't mean anything, Natasha. You of all people should know that."

 _Her?_ How can he possibly say that when he kept this from her the first place? "Do enlighten me." She replied, eventually giving in as she took a seat beside him on the hood. She kept her distance, and was wary of her shoulder merely touching his.

"I guess out of sheer desperation, I did it... Because I saw Peggy in her. And I know it was wrong in the most number of ways, but I did find myself leaning in. Then I realized how wrong it was as I pulled back - that it was wrong to cling on to the past or, in some way project all these things I should have done before I went under the ice to Sharon. It wasn't fair for her, and I did talk to her about it - " Steve remarked. He was too ashamed as he said it, and honestly Natasha felt bad for ever misjudging him by his own actions towards Sharon. Even without his explaination, she never had the right to do it.

"You called her through the burner phone you gave, I assume?" She couldn't help but ask, setting the jealousy aside.

Steve nodded, "She understood. Told me she was sorry, when in fact it was completely my fault. We remained friends."

Natasha furrowed her eyebrows, recognizing her own mistakes. She ran a hand on her hair in frustration as she avoided his eyes.

She could feel the weight of his stare even from her peripheral view. Steve covered his palm on top of hers and gently squeezed it. "I didn't give you a burner phone because I knew I would eventually find you. With or without Clint, I would always come looking for you."

She turned her head around and noticed his eyes immediately darted on her lips. A smile formed her face, for the first time ever since he arrived and found herself flipping their hands so he could interlock his fingers on hers. She missed this feeling, and she would definitely be needing any contact she could get from Steve as funny as it may sound. "I was about to ask you how's everyone, but I'm afraid Clint had it all covered for you."

"I'm sorry to hear about Bucky." She spoke once again. His smile faded for a moment and shook his head afterwards.

"Don't be. It was his decision. He figured it's what's best for everyone. Couldn't agree to that, but at least I know he's somewhere safe."

"As for us... "

"What about us?" Natasha asked. Steve smirked, as he leaned down to press his lips on top of her hand that he was still holding. "Thank you for saving us back there. I'm sorry I put you through this - "

"Oh Rogers, you don't know me so well than I thought. You would have done the same for me, that's what you and I do." Natasha shrugged.

"And is that all we'll ever be?" Steve asked.

 _Don't get me started on that one too._ Natasha cleared her throat as she tilted her head, challenging him."I don't know, you tell me."

Steve scoffed, rubbing his hand on the back of his head with discomfort. "You go and tell me first, why did you ask me to return the favor by calling Sharon back then? -" He asked. Her mouth ran dry as she struggled to find the right answer to that.

Natasha straightened her posture and shook her head, returning the question, "Not until you tell me why you gave that stupid advice to Bruce to go after me."

Steve's eyes widened, his cheeks were gushing red and a playful smile crept on Natasha's face at the sight of him. "You knew all along..." He spoke quietly, without a tone of curiosity but with a mixture of embarassment and accusation.

"Of course, I would." She shrugged, bumping her shoulder to his. "I feel like I have an idea on why you did it, I just want to hear you say it."

He covered his face in between his hands for a moment, unsure of how to properly word the mere fact that he only wanted to say these things because Steve thought he had already missed his chance of could have been and also because (he was a jealous little shit who had no control of himself everytime he saw her with Bruce Banner.) "I wanted you to be happy, Nat."

"Obviously, that didn't turn out well." She arched a brow, looking down. It had been over a year, the wounds has healed - surprisingly it wasn't as deep as people thought it would be. It was a mistake, and she knew it the first time around. The lullaby was meant to be used as a way to calm the Hulk, it wasn't meant to go as far as pursuing a relationship of some sort. Out of strange want of what Clint had, or the feeling of being cut from the same cloth as him - maybe it was because of that.

Steve raised her chin with his fingers lovingly, "I don't need your pity, Steve. I'm fine." She looked at him, and with those eyes and she was sure to herself she could melt right then and there. It's always by the way he looked at her, or how he held her hand like she was the most precious thing in the world. She then thought of his lips and how it would perfectly fit hers, another what ifs that was too far from happening. _What if she leaned closer, will he pull back?_

"This ain't that. Just take it as a way for you to know that you're not alone on this one. And that I'm still here... This is why we're given the time, to make things right, to make up for what was lost - that also counts, you and me." _We got a lot of fixing up to do._ Even without it being said, she couldn't help but agree. The Accords weren't meant to tear them apart, but the way things unfolded - there was too much damage, everyone took a beating. From what both Tony and Steve went through, she'd be surprise how they were still able to cope with their bearings even after what happened. All that's left now is the time to heal. She'll never dismiss the thought that one day they'll be okay, coming back stronger as ever.

"We'll get it right this time." Steve assured her.

"How do you know?" Natasha arched a brow, crossing arms on her chest.

"Because this time, I wouldn't allow anyone or anything to come across our way."

"That's pretty possessive of you, so unlikely to hear from you Captain Rogers." She unraveled her arms as she enveloped them behind his head, "But it sounds like a great idea to me."

A slow smile was seen across his face, and she knew they were going to be okay for now. Steve felt a knot loosen in his chest and it was most definitely because her face was now merely inches away from him and he could practically taste her breath on his own. Everything about her was too hard to resist, and the next thing he knew - he found himself leaning down about to claim her lips.

When Natasha noticed what was about to happen, she abruptly pulled back. She cocked her head to the side, teasing him. "Nice try, Rogers. I'm sorry but I still couldn't get rid of my mental image of you kissing her."

In the midst of laughter and the swell of determination to pursue her even more, the next thing she felt was the cold window frame of the car on her back and the warm, overwhelming feeling of his arms on both sides of her waist, trapping her. "Take it easy on the car, will you?." She eyed him, her chin jutted forward. He chuckled, and before she knew it - he was already kissing her.

Her lips tasted like strawberry and his was like a breath of fresh air. It was completely different from the the kiss they shared back then, and he loved it every bit of it - it felt like he was doing something right once again. Finally putting an end to their dance and showing her how much she meant to his life, something that he tried to deny before. Natasha gave in as she wrapped her arms behind his neck, kissing him back strong and soft all mixed up together. It was chaste, short and sweet and all the good words couldn't top to describe how exactly good it was.

"You were saying, Agent Romanoff?" He whispered, against her lips.

"Damn it, Steve. You're such a tease." He pulled back, leaving her breathless and pressing a soft kiss on her hair. She held her finger on her lips, somehow she still couldn't make up from what just happened. Steve's lips curled into a smirk as he leaned his back on the window frame as well, lying down beside her.

"I learned from the best, Nat. I keep learning alot of things from you everyday." He said, with a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. He stretched out his forearm on the back of her head until he felt her petite form all snuggled up on his side. She felt a twist in her stomach when he then whispered gently to her ear, "Even how to look jealous while not trying to at the same time."

There was a strong jab to his gut after that.


End file.
